We are a class of Year 3 & 4 children at Vardon School in Hamilton, NZ. The purpose of this blog is to share what we are learning with others. Click into our individual blogs to see samples of our learning and our reflections. WE LOVE LEARNING!!! We also love commenting, so please leave us a comment!!!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Katherine's 100 word challenge

A walk through the jungle ...

Tim and Moby were walking through a mysterious scary jungle. “Shhhh!” whispers Tim. “I can hear a creepy lion coming” “Oh no!”says Moby. “Oh no the creepy lion is getting closer. The lion can smell us! Stay still.” Then the lion came. “I’m scared” shivered Tim. “Hey what are you guys screaming for?” “ Oh! Are you the creepy lion? Creepy lion? Well. I heard that a mysterious lion coming from behind that bush. Moby says “You must be crazy Tim. Can you take us out of here please?” “ I sure can take you out, only if you give me some meat.” “Okay” says Tim. “Yay! We’re out!”
by Katherine
Year 4


  1. Hi Katherine
    A great narrative about a walk in the jungle. I like how you began by describing the scene. I can picture a scary jungle in my mind.
    Can you edit this for me? There is a bit too much dialogue so can you edit it and add more descritions. What are the characters actually doing?
    Think about your ending. Who is the meat for?
    A great first writing challenge. I can't wait to see your improvements.
    Well done!
    Mrs Natusch

  2. Hello, Katherine. This is a very good entry for the 100WC. I like your descriptive words, "creepy" and "mysterious." I also appreciated your writing about one of the animals in the jungle -- there are millions of different kinds of animals in the jungle, and Tim and Moby would run into some of them. Watch out for running the last few sentences together, but other than that, great job!


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